The issue I want to tackle today is:

Why do I use overly complicated English?

There are many reasons for this:

1. By choice
2. Writing without a plan
3. Experimentation of English
4. By Habit
5. Combination

I shall go over them in detail now:

By Choice

Like anyone else, I’d prefer to keep personal matters secretive. And despite that secrecy, I want to be heard. I hope to lessen the hurt of it; usually doesn’t work.

By using overly complicated English and ambiguous words, I can fulfill that need. But the fulfillment is incomplete. Ironically, since no one understands my words, I am as good as not heard.

I am afraid of being judged by the truth about myself. When put in such a position, I feel extremely vulnerable and expect for the worse: abandonment and loneliness.

Writing without a plan

There are times when I spontaneously write an entry. And, I have no idea on where to start, what to write about and how I will connect the points. So, I just do a really sloppy job of it, hoping in vain that my language would add content to it. And I do a wonderful job at confusing myself as well.

It’s humourous really, but the times when I write aimlessly, are the times when I feel like shit. As I like to call it: descending rapidly into an unending abyss. To be lost there with no one willing to search for you. To see your family and closest friends symbolically fade before your eyes.

The emotions intensify to the extent that you cannot think clearly.

Experimentation of English

Before one can improve in language, he will come to the stage of experimentation; the stage when horrors are unleashed on screen or paper. This applies to the blog I had at age 15.

I admit that I tried being Shakespeare and wrote nearly every post in ‘poetic’ English. Of course it was inappropiate, the purpose of my writing was not for literature, but as a journal.

I have been criticised for it in my previous blog ( when I was 15) by two outsiders; one was polite, while the other one was rude. Yes, I was devastated by their remarks but I moved on. I have improved tremendously since then.

Conclusion

That’s about it, if I do remember anything else, I’ll add on. I have no need of explaining ‘By Habit’ and ‘Combination’. That said, I resolve to make myself (and words) more understandable. Where there are secrets, I will remain ambiguous. And I shall do the best to be truthful to myself.

-Logen